he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize