I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
