she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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