You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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