i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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