We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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