Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
