I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize