Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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