apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
