Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
