I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
