I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
