i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
