Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
