so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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