2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
