Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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