WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
