How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
