Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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