Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
