He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
