ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
