I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
