Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
