If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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