yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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