i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
