I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
