All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
im calling her cock vulture from now on
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
