threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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