so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm really busy with my period
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
