i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
