Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
