I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
