today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
