I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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