I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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