The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
