im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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