hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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