so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
