apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
