What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
please come you make the beer taste better
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
