I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
