Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
