Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
