I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
