Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
