maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
