My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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