i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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