ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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