i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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