I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
