Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
