In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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