how can u be prego again
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
