Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
