i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
