He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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