I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
