So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
