ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
