well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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