I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
