just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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