is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Every concussion has its silver lining
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
