Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
