yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
