Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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