Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
