I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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