My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
