i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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