My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
