one might say we're banned from that church
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
