I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
