I want to walk on stilts...naked
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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