hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
