i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
